My weird Emotions

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Some days, I really get this weird emotions. And it leads to making people hurt, or even ending friendships. But afterwards I regret hurting them

With these days, its a type of revenge and mad emotions. My tolerance is quite short. If someone irritate me, I snap, and say things I don’t mean, I regret it especially when I ended the friendship

Sometimes friendships just end of it. It makes me feel bad when I lost something I do care about. But its also hard to keep it in place and eat up all the shit. But why would I want to be someone Iam not, I am myself with mad and short tolerance emotions. Iam not going to live like someone who can’t get mad. Iam just myself, you either accept it or leave it. Maybe its time for a change

I feel bad, of it, its just one of those things you have to live with I guess. I think that’s the main part of struggling to get a partner in life. Its my emotions, even if I try to maintain it, it stills burst out in flames and hurtful words

Even though I got a lot of love to give, its still hard to give it to a person, especially when I have a short temper. When I think damn now this is a keeper (guy) I tend to mess it up, and end it. When the guy would say something or give me attitude, I just snap and there my chances goes

I think with my temper and moods, I need to control it, yes its very hard. But I guess I have to work on it

Even when someone makes me mad, its time to walk on glass, safely and try not to break it.

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The life of Johnny II

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Months have passed since Johnny and Sarah started talking to each other. But minutes have passed so quickly when they talked, that Sarah couldn’t wait to talk to him the next day it was almost like a type of friendship addiction to her talking to him. They talked about life, love, comforting one another; it started to become a daily routine for them to talk no matter how busy Johnny and Sarah was.

Friendship was starting to grow, grow strongly. But the day had come when Sarah had this heavy baggage on her shoulder, that haunted her for quite a while. Even though she had to scrape some courage to talk to Johnny about it. It was hard for Sarah to even start the topic, because she could either expect a good or bad reaction. She said to herself, “I can do this, it’s haunting me for quite some time, and need to get it over and done with, she thought ”I need to get this baggage of my shoulder, I can do this”.

That Tuesday evening she told Johnny, I like you for some quite time, when she saw he readied the message, it felt her heart is about to jump out of her throat, whishing not to get her heart broken, her feelings grew for some time, and she needed to get it out. He responded ‘I like you too”, Sarah felt butterflies in her stomach. A few weeks have passed, Sarah got scared about this situation with the idea ‘Feelings”. She told Johnny “it will never work out between us”. Sarah was a bit to realistic since they confessed their feelings to one another. She thought this friendship should end, because it just won’t work, she wanted to protect her heart from heartbreak, but less did she know, from that point on, things between Johnny and Sarah would have a hurtful ending. Sarah changed her mobile number, because of the incident. Sarah started missing Johnny her heart started longing, for that addiction she had for him. Sarah couldn’t live in that galaxy silence.
Without clearness thoughts Sarah send Johnny a message “I miss you quite a lot” they reconcile. After talking for a few days, Johnny asked Sarah quite broken hearted “did you really think it won’t work?” Sarah replied, “No, it will work out between them”. It became a daily course for Johnny to ask Sarah “Did you really think it won’t work?” each time she replied “It will work”.

But still there, was still that broken hearted feelings Johnny had, in their connection. Sarah regretted saying it won’t work for minutes that have passed, and minutes yet to come. Sarah started to realise the damage have been done. Her doubts she had, left a missing piece in their reconciliation. There was a feeling of being scared to get hurt again between Johnny and Sarah.
Since the reconciliation, Johnny became very cold and distant towards Sarah. Sarah’s feelings for Johnny started to grew stronger each hour, less could she do about it the damage have been done. After some days, Johnny, even though he got distant his word towards her grew each time less and less. Even though it killed her, she couldn’t do anything to change it. For some time, Johnny started to talk to Sarah in circles, each time she had to drag the meaning out of Johnny, Johnny was a shy guy, and still he is scared to take off his mask. She knew what the circles are indicating, but she drag the meaning out of Johnny, he need to learn to stop talking to Sarah in circles and just be straight forward. She was successful to drag it out of him, it came down, he thinks she perfect relationship material, and she don’t know the attitude he have as a boyfriends, and Johnny had the feeling Sarah anyway never want to know his attitude in a relationship. But less did Johnny know deep in her heart she wanted him to be her boyfriend.
Still Johnny wanted a girlfriend, so eventually Sarah introduce Johnny to Clara, he never even said thank you to Sarah for the opportunity, to be meeting Clara. Sarah just couldn’t bare the thought of him talking to her, she got quite jealous, because she wanted to be his and his only, she knew it would never happened, not in the future it’s time for her to just move on and close the chapter and start a new chapter.
With this whole Johnny, Clara and Sarah situation, she just said ‘I can’t deal with this anymore”. After the meeting with Clara Sarah just never talks to him after that. One Saturday Eve, Sarah went to visit Nicole because they want to celebrate life in the city. They came with this thought, let’s go out tonight, but less they knew the one bar the went to Johnny would be there. Sarah and Nicole dressed up totally for “High Class Party”, Sarah dressed specially for Johnny maybe they could reconcile again, the headed to the bar, there Johnny was, being the outgoing guy she knew, the butterflies took over Sarah’s stomach, the awkwardness in the bar grew very strongly. Hopeful Sarah wanted to collect her heart. Sarah and Nicole agreed to leave the bar, just when they left the bar, some guys invite Sarah and Nicole back for a drink. Standing by the bar awkward, Sarah looked in the mirror there Johnny was standing with to other pretty girls, but the saddest part was Johnny told Sarah from the beginning the local girls isn’t interested in him. Just that moment when Sarah saw that scene, she started getting dizzy, nausea and that was her future breaking point. That was the hardest breakdown she had in her life. Sarah told Nicole, “Let’s just get out, I can’t take this”. 2 Days passed since that night, Sarah needed her best girlfriends Nicole, and just at that moment sitting outside, Nicole told Sarah “Delete Johnny’s number off your mobile”, so Sarah did and she felt a relieve…
Until this day Sarah is still wondering if Johnny likes Clara, and her heart burns, to turn back time, and maybe if she’s lucky to collect all her feelings back…

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Animal selling

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This topic “Animal Selling” is one of those statements that really makes me sad. Personally I think its very wrong because…

My argument is as follow, to buy and sell animals is wrong very wrong, animals is just like humans, they also have emotions and souls
I think animals, would feel offend to be putting up for sale, they love their boss, and vise versa, but then someone purchase them, and treat them very badly, obviously a animal would feel scared and sad, and feel pain for losing their loving boss and their environment
Some people, would not agree with me, but then I think they are soulless, I would never in a million years even considering putting a animal up for sale, but I would put objects for sale
Think about this argument, people in the west, they sell people, for slaves, that’s not objects, its well a object with a soul, its called human slaving
Same with animals, its probably called animal slaving. Old people have animals, maybe one of those situations they can’t get children, then they have animals, animals that’s their children, even though animals can’t talk, they also talk to a person in a way, each individual with a pet, have individual communication with one another
If someone treats a animal bad (mental soulless people), go to the person, and ask if you can adopt the animal, animals don’t deserve being treated bad
Still I think animals and humans don’t differ, they are absolutely the same, expect for one can talk and the other can’t
If evolution did exist, Apes developed into Humans over time, which makes Apes and Humans, on the same level, if you think clearly about it
Then again parrots can speak if you educate them, there must be a explanation for that statement, its a topic to think very open minded and clearly about, which means there is a connection
If animals can be put up for a sale, without the animals permission, so can people also be up for sale! Animals is just like humans, it cancels each other out on some levels
Animals don’t cause harm for any human, so why put them up for sale if they are not a threat??? Maybe the question is, making money, money makes the world go around, if you think about farmers, all they want to do is make money, what would’ve happened if animals sold people, would people still think its right to be purchased by animals??? NO
I think to put animals up for sale is just a soulless money making dilemma, and a wrong choice to make…

Music Lyrics is all about Sex

Put on a song, or listening to one on the radio, listen carefully to the words, try to decode it after it finishes, think about the lyrics and you will realise what this topic is all about
Modern ‘Pop’ music, the lyrics is all about Sex
For example Rihanna is one of those female artist, all her lyrics, is all about sex, and it makes me sick, she sing lyrics like ‘I love when you touch me there, sex in the air, I don’t care I love the smell of it, you should be giving it good”. I guess sex sells a lot
The worst part is, the young youth who’s listening to such music, girls about 11 listen to her music, that’s all about sex. She is not only artist who sings about sex, but she’s the main factor. That’s probably why she’s such a big sex symbol. Artist who sings about such topics, why can’t the sing about something else, maybe all the beautiful parts of life, but why sing about sex, they’re probably scared if the sing about other topics they won’t be able to hit the charts, for me it’s quite sad
That’s why old school rock lives on, and their lyrics, because they singed about love, heartbreaks and tough situations in life, for example Avenged Sevenfold – Seize the day, it’s about bad choices that have been made, and his love was taking away from them or Dear God – the band goes on tours and they ask God to keep their love ones safe
Such lyrics are meaningful, People give love a bad, name and all the Beatles wanted to do is to hold your hand. That’s why the Beatles are so famous and they live on, they singed for love, they made the meaning of love special. That’s probably why I love old school rock so much, their lyrics made sense, it was logic, and have meaning.
I would rather, raise a child with metal, old school rock than raise them with modern music, that’s all about sense. It’s just all messed up and rubbish. Also next topic, modern music the lyrics also, go about heartbreaks and feels like they are signing it to their ex, or someone they love. No one cares about your heartbreak, everyone goes through it sometime in their life, and don’t sing it to one person sing it to a lot of people not one specific one, sing about how awesome your fans is, how great life is etc. There are a variety topics to sing about, spread the topics, and not one topic which 1000 artists sing, all those artists have one music topic in common which they all sing about and its ‘HEARTBREAK”.
Even statistics have shown the music that makes they charts each year, have shown they lyrics is getting more and more depressed each year. No wonder 8/10 people (roughly) suffer from depression. They should expand the music lyrics topics more, and not sing about sex. That causes those girls/boys about 10 year old lost their virginity’s so early, because the lyrics of music influence them a lot. Lyrics is influential
I think the record companies should start to keep music lyrics in their mind, because the young youth is getting influenced, and can through their life away very early

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Roadtrip 30 June 2012 to Swellendam

30 June 2012, my friend (Marista) and I made a roadtrip, it was quick decision, we wanted to celebrate “half new year”, in another town so we decided on Swellendam, we pack the car, a litre brandy and crème soda bottle, enough cigarettes and we hit the road 6 o’clock the evening, we were actually speeding fast, we rode 4 times from the road, I was in total shock the whole 2 and a half hours NEVER AGAIN in my life. We came in Swellendam it was crazy, and the best part is, we were getting dressed in a petrol station’s bathroom, getting sexy, putting on heels, make up’ing the lots.
We went to this one bar dranked shots, and a lot of brandy and coke, it was a awkward party, but Marista and I talked a lot in that bar “Stepout”, until things got out of hand. So we decided F this place and their people, where going to Caledon, with a few drinks up in our ass. (I didn’t regret going to Caledon 12 o’clock the night), we partied there with one of Marista friends.
As approach the bar to buy myself a drink, I saw this guy, I went up to him and ask him “are you Johan Blom?”. He replied yes, so eventually he recognised me. After 5 years we reunited, the best part is, he fucking hot, my mouth hanged open a few minutes. It was crazy. So Marista and I went to their home about 3 o’clock (with a lot of guys) we were drinking and talk a lot of stuff, it was relaxing, sitting outside in front of a fire, watching the sky transform from light blue, till sunrise. It was a perfect relaxing drinking night.
We were so drunk, at this point I looked at my watch it was 11 o’clock the morning, we just carried on until it got 2 o’clock and we decided it’s time to get back to Oudtshoorn. We were just driving out of Caledon, and boom there the petrol light went on “Empty”. 100 Km we had to go to get to Swellendam, if we saw a downhill, we free the car, just to get to Swellendam and through in petrol.
We didn’t have money, so we got to the petrol station, Marista and I passed out there for 2 hours until her mother transfer money into her bank account. Even though I was mourning from the night before.
We finally arrived in Oudtshoorn 7 o’clock, the scouting awaits us at her home, we were in a lot of trouble, because we drove 300 km to go drinking, and why went to Caledon. It was awkward I was never so scared in my life I felt so bad, because it’s mostly my plan to go to Swellendam, and we ended up in Caledon. We were still drunk when we got to her home, but it was worth the shouting.
It was one crazy Saturday night we will never forget it was C-R-A-Z-Y, and we already made plans for our next two roadtrips…

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Being in love Sucks

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Why does there always have to be a consequences when you fall in love???

Its like a game, where there’s always a winner and a loser, someone will die and the other will survive, or someone will be injured and the other one is dead

Being in love, and getting hurt or being rejected it that the type of “Happy ever After” story we created for ourselves. Falling in love and getting hurt, that’s definitely not part of the whole package !!!

I guess everything in life comes with a prize after all, with being unknown what the results may be

Frustration + Being in love, is a bad ass combination, being in love and it fucking frustrates you, when you don’t know what your results at the end of “knowing each other” is going to be

Iam one of those girls, when iam inlove I want to know what is the racing thoughts of that person, I want to know what’s going on in your head, I want to read your thoughts, if I can’t do that, and your like a dead concrete wall, it makes me mad, then I just tend to give up

It sucks being in love, and knowing this is a 50/100 chance of hurting or being happy

And then it turned out, oh well it won’t be a successful game after all, that’s where Plan B should step in, almost like being in love, there must be a Plan B – Other person, so if you loose the guy your in love with (Plan A), then you have the other guy (Plan B), so you won’t get unless, your that player type of person

I saw this quote “To get over a guy, is to get under a guy”, once you tried that Quote, what happens when you also fall in love with that guy??? Then your totally fucked

Damn woman are so sensitive species, it sometimes count against me especially since iam inlove, and along the ride iam getting hurt, now that suck and nowadays, you don’t get a medicine for that

Sometimes I just wish, being in love didn’t exist, because its such a confusing matter, its just so confusing, and it can end up ruining your life, maybe I should consider, to never marry, getting kids, dating, just be single and exploring the world without worries

Time to probably get over it and try that quote (Laugh out Loud;)

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Iam still mad at darren

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My one friend Darren was in matrix, and I was in Grade 10. So eventually I wanne make friends with him because I want to get ask to be his Matrix Farewell partner

 
So we got very close, damn was one of my best friends that time, well I told him listen Darren “I want to go with you to your matrix farewell”, then he burst the bubble, “I’ve already got a date” that was quite “ego breaking” for me
 
Eventually Darren told me iam his backup date, so I actually got really mad at him, at the same time he falled inlove with me, that was shocking news
 
Darren went to his precious Matrix Farewell with his date, when I saw the photos on Facebook, WTF his date was one of my best friends, he told me she got really wasted, at his Matrix Farewell, poor guy he wanted to take her, I wouldn’t even get drunk, iam not addicted to alcohol
 
Oneday, I saw him wearing glasses, he even went out partying with his glasses on. I carried this thought with me for quite long “Damn Darren you look ugly with your glasses on” hahaha but I rather kept it to myself then hurt his feelings
 
We lost contact because his best friend broke my heart, and he got a girlfriend I was under the impression I was the girlfriend to be, but I was not. It felt Darren chose his best friends side and not mine
 
I’ve written Darren off, because of that accident. Darren and I recently after I think 9months made contact again. His Blackberry’s profile picture without glasses “Damn Darren looks quite Hot without wearing glasses”
 
Its actually great to have my Old Darren back, after we both growed up, hopefully this time he will choose this time my side, and also make me his date when I tell him to make me his date;) 
 
But iam still mad at him, for not making me his Matrix Farewell date:(

Why do people straighten their hair?

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8/10 People straighten their hair. Sometimes I wonder why people straight their hair

Okay, the question still remains why do people straighten their hair, even though it damages your hair a lot, the warmth of the straightner even dries your hair out and burns it. You hair are not used to the warmth of the straightner. If you know its unhealthy for you hair why do you still doing it???

Straightening is like smoking, its addictive, and you know it damages your body but you still do it…

Over the years I’ve noticed, you can quickly see people who straight their hair, it shines, and also it looks unnatural, because no one in this world have perfect straight hair, like a person who straightens their hair

A person who straights their hair, (I don’t have something against them) but I always want to ask them, “Do you have a appearance problem?” So why do you do it…If God didn’t want you to have straight hair, why do you go out of your way to do anything to get it straights??

My cousin have curly hair, and she actually paid R1200 to get it straight, I mean seriously its a waste of money (I would buy clothes with that amount of money), and its not permanent it grows out, when it grows out damn then it looks quite ugly haha straight hair, with this curly roots

My mother always says to me “Guys want girls who looks natural”, and I feel the same way Stop straightening your hair man, it looks fake and ugly, imagine you have this huge hair and this thin fake straight hair hanging down your face, then you look like that ghost in The Ring

Iam glad I have Straight Straight hair, because then I know girls wish they had my hair, someone of them will even get jealous

Also if you are straighten you hair for too long everyday, at the end it will eventually fall out then your bold. If you really want straight hair, go to buy a WIG, it looks natural, and your hair won’t get damage or even fall out…

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Letting go

I was google’ng earlier “Letting Go quotes” I crossed this website – http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/letting-go Its interesting how, wise some of these quotes really are. It gives you courage to let go of something you love or even the past. Since I’ve been in love with this person, its quite hard to let go, on something you want, and knowing it would never work “even though you won’t know if you never tried”, but still I walk with that thought in the back of my mind, it won’t work So now, iam on this edge I really need/want to let go, because this whole situation is getting me under, if there’s one thing I don’t want to do is let go, damn being in love hurts I guess with every step there would be a decision you need to make. Maybe iam giving up because its the easiest way to get out of this in love feeling Iam sad for not trying to see where it goes, but damn iam one stubborn woman, oneday I will probably kick myself in the but for this choice Iam giving up, because it feels iam the only one who want this, relationships even in love which is the situation I have, should come from 2 directions, 2 is better than 1, if it don’t comes from the other direction, why even bothering trying? It feels its only coming from my side the “in love”, but again I can’t force someone to be in love with me its manipulative, at this edge iam think okay at the end of this since its going no where iam looking back and saying to myself “I’ve wasted my precious time”, one of the main aspects in my life is, it irritates the shit out of me if someone are wasting my time, the wasting time, is lost time I would never get back and to make it worst I could’ve done something more meaningful in my life I really get mad when I can’t have something I want, then I throw a tantrum, and that’s what I did, I threwed a tantrum, and I regret it, maybe if I didn’t throwed one, it could’ve become maybe a relationship if it could be that successful So maybe I should for once in my life, think of myself and my heart and “Let Go”, but iam scared I would regret it one day, when I see him happy with another girl and knowing it could’ve been me Ps: Someone told me you’ll be truly in love in your lifetime 4 times? Don’t know that’s true maybe a myth who knows…

The life of Johnny

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This story is about a guy Johnny wearing a “Hardcore Mask”, and a girl who wants to help Johnny

Well Johnny is a 23 year old male living in a small town, in Scotland, he’s plumber, like every other person he went through tough times in his life like every normal person did, life in his eyes is perfect, he’s got a good job, nice friends and just enjoying this small town lifestyle, he’s been taught, by a family member “Johnny life don’t owe you anything”, so automatically he take that serious, and he’s working hard, if he want to achieve something he should work hard for it, and so he does, he’s a really hard working guy, and always finishes he’s work before he go home

He’s also very sporty he plays for a local rugby team, but that’s more a social thing than serious, but the one thing he miss in his life is a girlfriend, Johnny are such a gentleman, but the local girls don’t seem to know he’s a gentleman, they think he’s some sort of ‘ass’, but he don’t seem to show his gentleman, soft side, Johnny’s hides his emotional human being behind this ugly hard-core mask, but he don’t seem like that type of person who wants to take it off because he’s scared he will get hurt again

One day Johnny met Sarah a nice girl, they share the same type of personality, she also hides her soft loving and caring personality behind and ugly mask, she’s pretty every guy wants to sleep with her, but she is good enough to say no

They begin to chat via technology, they open up to each other, the problems they have in life situations, tough times they’ve been through, she lost her mother he also lost his mother, which they loved dearly, she’s been a lot of breakups, he don’t talk to he’s mothers family, she have contact with some of her mother’s family members, Johnny and Sarah have been hurted a lot in their life, they main part is in some of their situations they can relay to one another

The day Johnny and Sarah met, she saw his soul via his mystery hurtful eyes. Time past, until one day she told him when they didn’t know each other well, she told him “Johnny that day I saw your soul, I saw a nice guy, a guy who cares, cares for other, your a loving person, who’s been t tough situations, but the main thing is she saw a gentleman people don’t see, Sarah felt it was her duty to find out more about Johnny, get to know him more, help him and just be there for him”.

Times past, she realised he really want a girl in his life, whom can make him the luckiest guy on earth, a girl whom he wants to share his love he keeps inside of him, he wants to give her the world, he wants to spoil her make her happy and cuddle all night long, he wants that type of girl who he can care for, give her love, and share things together and support her, even though deep inside he wants to be loved, by a girl, a girl whom cared for him, doing things together, appreciate him for who he is, be there for him when he needs to talk to someone, but one thing is for sure “He wants to be loved”. Sarah realised this is a guy who have a heart of gold, a scarce gentleman you don’t seem to find now a days, any girls dream guy

Sarah told him to take off his mask he’s been wearing for quite a long time, because this type of mask is hard-core, the mask consists being stubborn and being full of shit, maybe it’s because the hurt hes been through his life so he tries to show it via being stubborn, and hiding he’s emotional gentleman side, because the hurt have been caused a wall of being mean, rude and a distant personality. Sarah told him to take off his mask and break down those walls that he’s been building up ever since, the mask he wears is not the type of person he is it’s the opposite, and only Johnny can break down those walls no one else. 

Every time Johnny tells Sarah “I want a girlfriend” she remind him to stop being so stubborn and hiding his gentleman side (The mask), he reply’s with,” but every girl thinks I am a skank”, and she told him every time, “If you don’t take off that mask girls can’t see the beautiful person you are.” Even though she feels sorry for him, because she’s always there for him and try to help him, but he shuts her out. Sarah don’t want to change Johnny but she wants him to find love, and take off the mask he’s been wearing, because sometimes people can get very hurt because of the mask he’s been wearing

Sarah got quite attached to Johnny, the only thing Sarah wants for Johnny is the best, because she is more messed up than him even though he’s wearing a mask, and now she only wants to help him to be the person she will never be…